So, being that so many of you are, in many ways, private investors in my well-being, I feel I owe it to you to keep you updated on what is going on.
First off, the most common question I get is.. “How are you feeling?”
First off, thanks for asking. Mostly, I feel fine. I currently have in me what is called a “suprapubic catheter”, which is about as pleasant as it sounds. It’s basically a tube shoved into your midsection. It hurts going in, it hurts coming out. It kind of hurts while it is there.
The side effects an “SPC”, as we call it in the biz, include feeling anywhere from completely normal to having pains that are like lighting bolts shooting straight through your body. These are spasms and cramps from the muscles that have been cut and/or have a foreign object bumping into them and they don’t like it that much. I have a small supply of happy pills that I can take when it gets bad. They make me feel somewhat normal, then I promptly fall asleep and have really weird dreams. I can’t lift stuff that well and it doesn’t feel that great when I do. Chasing a five and two year old isn’t easy, but I manage.
Are you okay? What is your surgery? Is it life threatening?
This is where it gets a little difficult for me. No, not really, it’s not really life threatening. Not really. It could get serious if left untreated. But, I am dodging the question here.
So, unbeknownst to many of you there is a condition that approximately (it varies from country to country) 1 in 125 boys are born with called hypospadius. Google warning: lots of yucky NSFW images that might require eye bleach. In short, it’s a malformation of the urethra (the happy little tube that carries your pee-peez out of your body.) Now although my case wasn’t that severe, it needed some surgery. Unfortunately, back in the 70s (I was born in 1973) the treatments for this were rather crude compared to today. Commonly, back then, the surgeries were done again and again to get them right, with varying degrees of success. The treatments and surgeries were often painful and humiliating to the kids enduring them, and kind of leave a bit of trauma and stigma attached. Hence my hesitation on all of this. (Also one of the many factors that left me the quite, shy kid.) It’s not easy to talk about, but you are my friends right? Weiners!
Later in the 80s (where I lived and attended high school in LA), I was connected with a renowned specialist that finally got it right. Hooray! Right? Well, unfortunately, this procedure as it was done back then has been shown to fail nearly 100% of the time later in life. That later is now. The tissue used for the construction tends to do all kinds of things you don’t want it to do, like…hurt, block stuff, close up, stuff like that. Doctors call it a “stricture”. My first trip down to my new doctor at UC Irvine was to measure the severity of my strictures, as well as find out how many I have. How many? Two. It’s not a lot. It could be worse. So, what needs to be done is a two stage reconstruction of that-which-let’s-me-write-my-name-in-the-snow (well, not “it” but the urethra within.) Also, UC Irvine is one of the world’s leading centers for Reconstructive Urology, if you are wondering.
Again… always and forever… thank you for your help. I’ve recently actually RECEIVED the thousands of hard earned dollars from you and into my account. I treat these dollars with a solemn and holy respect. These dollars are already taking the pressure off. We’ve had bills already come in for the consultations, X-rays, catheterizations, and even an ER visit. Add to that the hotels, flights and caregivers we’ve already paid for and are starting to book again, it’s a true blessing that we’ve recevied. As a disgruntled, technical, scientific, raised without-a-shred-of-religion kind of guy, I can truly say that now, with your help, I feel blessed. You are all my angels. With wings that oscillate at a rate of Math.sin(time).
Bless you and your generosity.